Wednesday, July 05, 2006
8:06 PMBeen down in my mood lately, not entirely bad mood, but just feeling discouraged. Partly is because of my block tests results. Although i haven't got to know my results, the comments made by my tutors are kind of negative. And for sure, my physics paper, only 4 persons passed. As expected, i'm not in that category. :/
Sometimes i just can't understand why i couldn't excel in my studies that i ought to be. My parents pin high hopes on me, i want to be a good example for God and i want to use my studies to glorify his name. As always, i failed to do so. Everytime people told me to do my best and to just work hard for it. I know i must try my best and i did, but the results just doesn't tally with the so called 'best' effort. I really wonder why. I never studied hard enough? Or is it i didn't listen during my tutorials? I did complete all my tutorials, i did listen during lectures and tutorials but why i still couldn't at least pass? Least to say excel in my studies.
I really don't want this to happen to me, i really want to do well in my ministry and studies. I want to excel in both, not just 1 of them. Sometimes i feel so ashamed to tell my people how i fare for my results, i don't want to get retain, i don't i want to spend 1 more year in College. I just want to graduate with a good results to go University like everyone else. Not that i'm asking alot right? Occasionally, i admire those people can managed their studies so well. They will have time to play, go out and have fun and at the same time, managed to dig out time for revision. The point is, once they revised, they will grasp hold of the concepts or the things they studied, whereas for me? I studied for my econs so many times before block tests, yet on the block test date itself, i can forget some of the points that i memorized. Stupidity? Short term memory? Lazy? Brain ain't big enough to contain the infomation? Oh well, i really don't know. I hope i can find out a answer soon enough.
Whenever i think about my term 2 and block tests results, they never fail to send a chill down my spine. I will be so freaked out and paranoid. What if i didn't make it for promotion? What if i did badly? What if what if what if? Ahhh..
The chorus by simple plan-untitled, speaks clearly of how i'm feeling now. =)
How could this happen to me
I've made my mistakes
Got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me?
Often, i do want to go to the beach and look upon the big endless horizon, and start screaming all my fustrations out. :/
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